Slowly I walk a path winding through discards of my life and beyond,
Aft the hour is too late yet fore leaves no answer to give those I’m fond,
The rock I have become must be softened if that’s possible in some way,
The intense pain has created a barrier of steel where once was man clay,
We are made to send and receive of each other using signals by expression,
Through the years of pains blockage I have allowed through one sensation,
The experience of my country’s servitude forced upon by draft years ago,
Took away my innocence and ended with more pain than man should know,
Perhaps it was ignorance or was it need that locked it deeply inside my mind,
The horrors of we drafted chosen was unknown because America was blind,
Many were lost on the streets of asphalt and real estate of dropping value,
Anxious to escape the bonds of the draft many hid from America in plain view,
And I much the same locked it away as I’ve said that I might forgot it all,
One decade is little time of rest from extremes of pain and a near mental fall,
With such force the physical pain returned with an ailment unknown to most,
An affliction so unusual with unknown back roads reaching deep into its host,
At first showing I felt I would rupture inside as the swelling pushed out,
Thirty five years of age it came in full force as my only release was to shout,
Arriving each time like a stampede of cattle and pain pushing outwardly intense,
Praying it would cease before I would rupture inside was crazy as I was incensed,
To those that think I don’t pray, I am shattered that you could think so little of me,
Oh my Lord I have prayed aloud in the crowd and whispered a prayer at a tragedy,
Am I forgotten and down trodden as I cruise the neighborhood of a past dreamscape,
Fight is the word, for one I fight to endure extremes that narcotics bring no escape,
Love’s desire has created a desire to escape the haze that’s a veiled pleasantness,
I so desire her touch and beauty in my vision I again feel war’s gift of loneliness,
Solutions given of physicians create a culture of give me more meds I implore,
Then a transplanted genius with tongue of Italiano brotherhood opens the door,
My ears strain to follow his New Jersey speak as his genius explains his gift,
At last surgery to repair damage of bloods seepage when my spirit begins to lift,
I awaken as I sleep, I float as I am secured, Heaven’s glow is above my head,
Pain has left and my anatomy feels healed when I realize I may actually be dead,
Movement is everywhere below my feet and I wonder how I see through the roof,
It appears I am deceased as a gift of that intense pain, I’m no longer bulletproof,
My heart has a sudden sensation of sorrow and a loneliness to an extreme,
The joy of heaven’s ascent is gone and I see Patti to realize she’s lost her dream,
How did she know to come to the door at this time and why is it I can hear her pray,
The crash cart charging into the room is a shock, I see her expression of dismay,
The sorrow I feel is hers as I can feel her sobs oh Lord don’t let me leave her alone,
As quickly as I pray it feels as if something has pulled my feet to return me home,
As I awaken I remember watching the doctor work feverishly beneath my feet,
Three times before I have expired of pain and each my return for she so sweet,
From her touch I have soared high above the world because she gave me a kiss,
To me she is a goddess, the queen, my queen, I hope she always remembers this,
For each pain endured I would endure ten more if that is my price for her hand,
Her optimism has become my drug of choice, by her I find reason to stand,
Twenty five years have passed since that day I watched the surgeon below,
Pain has been a constant companion, a companion no one should ever know,
I savor her kiss each morning as she awakens to bring sunshine into my life,
So many men of this time have never known such pleasure from their wife,
I know each day will fill with wonder in some wonderful way each time she is near,
When first I gazed into her hazel eyes a transference of Cupid’s energy was clear,
So many things were locked away through the years as I tried to hide the pain,
To contain the pain I have calloused all emotional release much to my shame,
Do my children know me through and have I given her all the love she is due,
Thus I write and rewrite rhymes in a quest for the perfect way to say, I love you.
The end, by Pat for Patti