As I float I sense change is about and wonder where I’m going to,

In a flash I saw where I’ve been as well as anguish I caused you,

Soon I found my footing and stood upright in a beautiful place,

Was this a park with beautiful gardens where birds gave chase,

Perfection is a word seldom used by me in my descriptions of anything,

Perfection is here I must say but one minor flaw I found, just one thing,

Your absence ruined it all when suddenly I found myself in a teacup afloat,

It sounds silly I know yet here I sat in a ceramic cup instead of a real boat,

How can such occur I wondered and then I thought I would think it through,

To thought I would think doesn’t sound right but that’s what I decided to do,

As I sat in thought of thinking I traced my thoughts of how it came to be,

My thoughts were “if this were water and I had a boat but first a big cup of tea”,

I realized this land I’m in must be of thought and if so how did I get here,

Thinking to myself aloud I thought “you clown, now you’ve done it, think clear”

Befuddled and a bit confused I set sail in my cup for tea that was oversized,

Worried about my odd state of “think” it was quite sudden that I realized,

I looked over the side of my cup for tea to find my reflected self on the surface,

That clown staring back at me is no doubt me with clown makeup on my face,

Although I smile it wore a frown to exemplify my state of mind no doubt,

I decided to try not to think but instead to let my subconscious mind out,

Quite suddenly there were things happening everywhere just above the water,

Memories so painful I had hidden away played out such as a wartime slaughter,

I saw men lined up and machine gunned down by a brutal man we took out,

Resisted temptation played out all around as well as law of man I chose to flout,

Orders I had followed and had to do were covered in red as I again saw the scene,

Filthy places I had been so disgusting it’s better to burn than attempt to clean,

Heartache I had buried was there covered in blue within my subconscious mind,

Painful torture, surgery, shock therapy for war memories I didn’t want to find,

Words that broke my heart poured out “No Mail Pat” as mockery not concern,

Little boy, baldie boy, queenie, kill him, traitor, memories I would like to burn,

Sexual things I had thought of once but hid away in hopes I wasn’t that man,

Deciding my subconscious is meant to remain that way as a trash disposal plan,

With as much think as I could muster I thought away the subconscious me,

Remnants dribbled through as it continued showing things I didn’t want to see,

I was slowly gaining control instead of the water being aflame from in my head,

Deep in thought I thought of you as my heart would rather think of you instead,

It seems the subconscious needed to force one more thing for me to see,

I see me laying in feces and urine, beaten so badly I don’t recognize me,

My heart is breaking as the sensation of pain is alive in my conscious mind too,

Praying I will survive and wondering if I do am I still in thoughts and prayers of you,

To know our love is real and true loneliness and separation will test the heart,

For over a year each beat of my heart and every cell carried love of you in part,

O two had to be there too otherwise one hundred percent love of you flowed,

Had I seen you a month before would my state of self worth have showed,

I felt the great anguish, fear I’d never see you again, and such loneliness inside,

No doubt was within my being, I loved you so deeply that inside this cup I cried,

Thoughts of loving you came flooding through and sunshine shown down again,

Rose petals of red were afloat upon the water’s surface as rose scent wafted in,

The ingredients of you I thought, “no doubt are sweet with red n other roses too,”

My mind went deep in thought as I saw angels of beauty and things I love of you,

The little giggle so slight when pleasures just right filled the air slightly with sound,

Butterflies and hummingbirds, an island with kittens, puppies, children all around,

From within deep thought I woke to find all those things around with islands too,

Thinking these things has created so much in this land of think, all but you,

As I tried to relax to continue my journey afloat in my oversized ceramic tea cup,

The creations of think faded away, so if that’s the case, why not all, what’s up?

If this land of thoughts allows my thoughts to be real why can’t I think up you,

As a face painted clown in a cup to say I was perplexed would be so very true,

There must be a way in this land of thought to think my way to you somehow,

Afraid to think a thought of anything or afraid to see animals such as a cow,

As quick as I thought that thought before my eyes swam a cow trying to get in,

What in the world is wrong with me to think of a cow and now she has to swim,

If only this poor cow had a stable to be in she wouldn’t be in such a bad way,

I need to be cautious for now a stable protrudes above the waves, I hate to say,

Thinking clearly I imagined an island with a stable so the poor cow could rest,

Trying to think a linear thought while avoiding other thoughts would be best,

Then suddenly I realized I needed to think away this land of think I thought,

Thinking with all my will and might I thought it away with everything I’ve got,

All this thought left me exhausted, I quietly fell asleep until I finally woke,

As strange as this may sound I woke with my foot on a teacup, it’s no joke,

When I wake I must go to relieve myself so I almost ran to the bathroom,

The mirror showed a man with lipstick appropriate for an idiot in bloom,

Not only were my lips smeared but white shoe polish covered my face,

I’ve always been a talker in sleep but a walker means I must be all over the place,

I love you my darling and I’ll understand the next time you want to time me down,

Being tied did excited me I must confess, I remember now to being your clown,

Please don’t let me get carried away again, I prefer remembering the next day,

If I am taken back a bit when a tea cup is near, know I will likely push it away,

But if you should happen to see me sitting upon a ceramic tea cup so small,

With a shoe polish face, lipstick, and smile, know I’m asleep and don’t let me fall.

The end, by Pat. I love you baby.   I had a weird dream.