{"id":771,"date":"2015-12-07T00:29:19","date_gmt":"2015-12-07T06:29:19","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.poemsforpatti.com\/love\/?p=771"},"modified":"2015-12-07T00:29:19","modified_gmt":"2015-12-07T06:29:19","slug":"in-a-teacup-afloat-dream-clown-afloat","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.poemsforpatti.com\/love\/2015\/12\/07\/in-a-teacup-afloat-dream-clown-afloat\/","title":{"rendered":"In a Teacup Afloat Dream (Clown Afloat)"},"content":{"rendered":"

As I float I sense change is about and wonder where I’m going to,<\/span><\/p>\n

In a flash I saw where I’ve been as well as anguish I caused you,<\/span><\/p>\n

Soon I found my footing and stood upright in a beautiful place,<\/span><\/p>\n

Was this a park with beautiful gardens where birds gave chase,<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Perfection is a word seldom used by me in my descriptions of anything,<\/span><\/p>\n

Perfection is here I must say but one minor flaw I found, just one thing,<\/span><\/p>\n

Your absence ruined it all when suddenly I found myself in a teacup afloat,<\/span><\/p>\n

It sounds silly I know yet here I sat in a ceramic cup instead of a real boat,<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

How can such occur I wondered and then I thought I would think it through,<\/span><\/p>\n

To thought I would think doesn’t sound right but that’s what I decided to do,<\/span><\/p>\n

As I sat in thought of thinking I traced my thoughts of how it came to be,<\/span><\/p>\n

My thoughts were “if this were water and I had a boat but first a big cup of tea”,<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I realized this land I’m in must be of thought and if so how did I get here,<\/span><\/p>\n

Thinking to myself aloud I thought “you clown, now you’ve done it, think clear”<\/span><\/p>\n

Befuddled and a bit confused I set sail in my cup for tea that was oversized,<\/span><\/p>\n

Worried about my odd state of “think” it was quite sudden that I realized,<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I looked over the side of my cup for tea to find my reflected self on the surface,<\/span><\/p>\n

That clown staring back at me is no doubt me with clown makeup on my face,<\/span><\/p>\n

Although I smile it wore a frown to exemplify my state of mind no doubt,<\/span><\/p>\n

I decided to try not to think but instead to let my subconscious mind out,<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Quite suddenly there were things happening everywhere just above the water,<\/span><\/p>\n

Memories so painful I had hidden away played out such as a wartime slaughter,<\/span><\/p>\n

I saw men lined up and machine gunned down by a brutal man we took out,<\/span><\/p>\n

Resisted temptation played out all around as well as law of man I chose to flout,<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Orders I had followed and had to do were covered in red as I again saw the scene,<\/span><\/p>\n

Filthy places I had been so disgusting it’s better to burn than attempt to clean,<\/span><\/p>\n

Heartache I had buried was there covered in blue within my subconscious mind,<\/span><\/p>\n

Painful torture, surgery, shock therapy for war memories I didn’t want to find,<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Words that broke my heart poured out “No Mail Pat” as mockery not concern,<\/span><\/p>\n

Little boy, baldie boy, queenie, kill him, traitor, memories I would like to burn,<\/span><\/p>\n

Sexual things I had thought of once but hid away in hopes I wasn’t that man,<\/span><\/p>\n

Deciding my subconscious is meant to remain that way as a trash disposal plan,<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

With as much think as I could muster I thought away the subconscious me,<\/span><\/p>\n

Remnants dribbled through as it continued showing things I didn’t want to see,<\/span><\/p>\n

I was slowly gaining control instead of the water being aflame from in my head,<\/span><\/p>\n

Deep in thought I thought of you as my heart would rather think of you instead,<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

It seems the subconscious needed to force one more thing for me to see,<\/span><\/p>\n

I see me laying in feces and urine, beaten so badly I don’t recognize me,<\/span><\/p>\n

My heart is breaking as the sensation of pain is alive in my conscious mind too,<\/span><\/p>\n

Praying I will survive and wondering if I do am I still in thoughts and prayers of you,<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

To know our love is real and true loneliness and separation will test the heart,<\/span><\/p>\n

For over a year each beat of my heart and every cell carried love of you in part,<\/span><\/p>\n

O two had to be there too otherwise one hundred percent love of you flowed,<\/span><\/p>\n

Had I seen you a month before would my state of self worth have showed,<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I felt the great anguish, fear I’d never see you again, and such loneliness inside,<\/span><\/p>\n

No doubt was within my being, I loved you so deeply that inside this cup I cried,<\/span><\/p>\n

Thoughts of loving you came flooding through and sunshine shown down again,<\/span><\/p>\n

Rose petals of red were afloat upon the water’s surface as rose scent wafted in,<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The ingredients of you I thought, “no doubt are sweet with red n other roses too,”<\/span><\/p>\n

My mind went deep in thought as I saw angels of beauty and things I love of you,<\/span><\/p>\n

The little giggle so slight when pleasures just right filled the air slightly with sound,<\/span><\/p>\n

Butterflies and hummingbirds, an island with kittens, puppies, children all around,<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

From within deep thought I woke to find all those things around with islands too,<\/span><\/p>\n

Thinking these things has created so much in this land of think, all but you,<\/span><\/p>\n

As I tried to relax to continue my journey afloat in my oversized ceramic tea cup,<\/span><\/p>\n

The creations of think faded away, so if that’s the case, why not all, what’s up?<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

If this land of thoughts allows my thoughts to be real why can’t I think up you,<\/span><\/p>\n

As a face painted clown in a cup to say I was perplexed would be so very true,<\/span><\/p>\n

There must be a way in this land of thought to think my way to you somehow,<\/span><\/p>\n

Afraid to think a thought of anything or afraid to see animals such as a cow,<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

As quick as I thought that thought before my eyes swam a cow trying to get in,<\/span><\/p>\n

What in the world is wrong with me to think of a cow and now she has to swim,<\/span><\/p>\n

If only this poor cow had a stable to be in she wouldn’t be in such a bad way,<\/span><\/p>\n

I need to be cautious for now a stable protrudes above the waves, I hate to say,<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Thinking clearly I imagined an island with a stable so the poor cow could rest,<\/span><\/p>\n

Trying to think a linear thought while avoiding other thoughts would be best,<\/span><\/p>\n

Then suddenly I realized I needed to think away this land of think I thought,<\/span><\/p>\n

Thinking with all my will and might I thought it away with everything I’ve got,<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

All this thought left me exhausted, I quietly fell asleep until I finally woke,<\/span><\/p>\n

As strange as this may sound I woke with my foot on a teacup, it’s no joke,<\/span><\/p>\n

When I wake I must go to relieve myself so I almost ran to the bathroom,<\/span><\/p>\n

The mirror showed a man with lipstick appropriate for an idiot in bloom,<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Not only were my lips smeared but white shoe polish covered my face,<\/span><\/p>\n

I’ve always been a talker in sleep but a walker means I must be all over the place,<\/span><\/p>\n

I love you my darling and I’ll understand the next time you want to time me down,<\/span><\/p>\n

Being tied did excited me I must confess, I remember now to being your clown,<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Please don’t let me get carried away again, I prefer remembering the next day,<\/span><\/p>\n

If I am taken back a bit when a tea cup is near, know I will likely push it away,<\/span><\/p>\n

But if you should happen to see me sitting upon a ceramic tea cup so small,<\/span><\/p>\n

With a shoe polish face, lipstick, and smile, know I’m asleep and don’t let me fall.<\/span><\/p>\n

The end, by Pat. I love you baby.\u00a0 \u00a0I had a weird dream.<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

As I float I sense change is about and wonder where I’m going to, In a flash I saw where I’ve been as well as anguish I caused you, Soon I found my footing and stood upright in a beautiful place, Was this a park with beautiful gardens where birds gave chase,   Perfection is […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-771","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","category-uncategorized","czr-hentry"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.poemsforpatti.com\/love\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/771","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.poemsforpatti.com\/love\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.poemsforpatti.com\/love\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.poemsforpatti.com\/love\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.poemsforpatti.com\/love\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=771"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.poemsforpatti.com\/love\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/771\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":772,"href":"https:\/\/www.poemsforpatti.com\/love\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/771\/revisions\/772"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.poemsforpatti.com\/love\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=771"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.poemsforpatti.com\/love\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=771"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.poemsforpatti.com\/love\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=771"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}