{"id":1031,"date":"2016-05-23T01:00:32","date_gmt":"2016-05-23T06:00:32","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.poemsforpatti.com\/love\/?p=1031"},"modified":"2016-05-23T01:00:32","modified_gmt":"2016-05-23T06:00:32","slug":"paper-roses-the-walk-i-took","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.poemsforpatti.com\/love\/2016\/05\/23\/paper-roses-the-walk-i-took\/","title":{"rendered":"“Paper Roses” (The Walk I Took)"},"content":{"rendered":"

Time frame October to November of 1969.<\/span>
\nSome verses are taken from a poem I wrote in 1969, “The Walk I Took.”<\/span>
\nNo one picked me up at the airport upon my discharge.\u00a0 A fifty mile walk. <\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Paper Roses (The Walk I Took)<\/span><\/p>\n

In the darkness of the night I imagined holding you tight, <\/span><\/p>\n

Perhaps an angel or true an old man took me from the fight, <\/span><\/p>\n

Free at last but with silent wonder if you were still in love, <\/span><\/p>\n

I promise you beautiful angel you’re all I have dreamed of, <\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Since the draft notice came you have been on my mind, <\/span><\/p>\n

A sudden fear is that I’d return in a box or worse be blind, <\/span><\/p>\n

Your beauty is so overwhelming that breath seems gone, <\/span><\/p>\n

My heart has yearned so for you, pray have you moved on?<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Never set me free or my heart will be one of the forgots, <\/span><\/p>\n

Each reflection and every prayer had you in my thoughts<\/span><\/p>\n

Dance with me please in the darkness of night on the road, <\/span><\/p>\n

If only you will, it will help unburden me of this heavy load, <\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Every sweetness in my heart is yours forevermore and a day, <\/span><\/p>\n

True love is like a paper rose so beautiful to never wilt away,<\/span><\/p>\n

I hope some day there is an announcement of King and Napier*, <\/span><\/p>\n

So wonderful it would be to see our names in our local paper, <\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I have failures that captured the freedom of my battered mind, <\/span><\/p>\n

For America I survived so much and did things of nightmare kind, <\/span><\/p>\n

Upon a sea of dreams I found way across icebergs and much more, <\/span><\/p>\n

Icebergs are but obstacles left floating from battles of days before, <\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Thank God for memories of your delicate little hand touching me, <\/span><\/p>\n

I’m in a gutter I confess and it’s not of the normal type you see, <\/span><\/p>\n

For the wire brush** damage is gone by rectal surgery and more, <\/span><\/p>\n

Shock therapy with stick in mouth took some memories of before, <\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

“I need you, walk with me”*** I remember kissing at your door, <\/span><\/p>\n

“I need you,” James Brown sang to me but at your door as before, <\/span><\/p>\n

Look at me, I beg, do I still have all my limbs and is my mind okay, <\/span><\/p>\n

I have been told I’m a stalker is that how you feel now, each day?<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I carried your photo near my heart and held it so tight at night, <\/span><\/p>\n

‘The bombs bursting in air and rockets red glare’ is a bad fright, <\/span><\/p>\n

Words that sound so wonderful until experienced first hand, <\/span><\/p>\n

By draft board letter two years ago I was forced to make a stand, <\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Damaged limbs and beaten torso along with tortured mind, <\/span><\/p>\n

Brought months in a hospital bed as psychiatrist had a find, <\/span><\/p>\n

To carry a girl’s image faithfully without word for a year or more, <\/span><\/p>\n

Brought words of disbelief from doctors asking me what for, <\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

My faith in you sounded insane as they listened with disbelief, <\/span><\/p>\n

“How could you do that?” they said, “your mind needs relief,” <\/span><\/p>\n

They shocked my mind and called me a stalker of mental kind, <\/span><\/p>\n

Telling me my love for you is unhealthy and the fantasy kind, <\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

My heart broke as I cried in the doctor’s chair to think I’m insane, <\/span><\/p>\n

Shock therapy for wrongs done to me left some of love’s flame, <\/span><\/p>\n

During shock therapy somehow I spoke of you and your age,<\/span><\/p>\n

They declared to leave this place I’m still stalker at this stage, <\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

It seemed so odd they’d concentrate on love instead of war, <\/span><\/p>\n

Let’s address my state from being sodomized and even more, <\/span><\/p>\n

Or the pain I endured as I struggled upon the rack of torture, <\/span><\/p>\n

Yet they dwell upon the girl of my dreams that is my future,<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I’ve wondered then at times did you turn me in to stay away, <\/span><\/p>\n

They’ve got me pegged no doubt, I’m going to come your way, <\/span><\/p>\n

Some day I will when my head survives and I push the war away, <\/span><\/p>\n

It’s not you I want gone in any way, I want every memory to stay, <\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I’m sure these men of well meaning heart have not even a clue, <\/span><\/p>\n

They hang their degree and make analysis of what pain can do, <\/span><\/p>\n

Mental and physical pain are awful but mental is a long time cure, <\/span><\/p>\n

I doubt those shrinks go beyond books to a battlefield to be sure, <\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

But I played their game yet I limped to their office to be healed,<\/span><\/p>\n

There is so much physical damage done out on the battlefield, <\/span><\/p>\n

Yet the military is stocked with shrinks so I guess it must be true, <\/span><\/p>\n

Our body heals as our mind grows weak but I survived by you, <\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

If not for my mental state I’d have gone home a month ago today, <\/span><\/p>\n

Didn’t they understand it was the abuse that made my mind stray?<\/span><\/p>\n

And my tether to you through space and time gave me will to live, <\/span><\/p>\n

But mind and body healed quickly when I decided I must forgive, <\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I walked home tonight to nearly Panhandle*^ town before an angel came, <\/span><\/p>\n

Now that I think of it with alert mind it seems the old man knew our name, <\/span><\/p>\n

As I explained my service with shame he held my chin up and praised me, <\/span><\/p>\n

I cried so hard in the angel’s hand that my tears made it hard for me to see, <\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The last kindness of touch came from a minister in a foreign cell, <\/span><\/p>\n

Deep in the bowels of Mother Earth I felt to be somewhere near hell, <\/span><\/p>\n

I’m so far from that place now yet it was only three months and a day, <\/span><\/p>\n

No deeper could I fall as American sputum and disdain is on me to stay, <\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I saw you last within that cell as my battered mind found you there, <\/span><\/p>\n

Or did you journey spiritually or astral to bring me love and care, <\/span><\/p>\n

So weak of mind I welcomed the next strike to see you unconsciously, <\/span><\/p>\n

And tonight this kind man or do I say angel has given a ride to me, \u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Magic of our love took place that night as I fell into a deep sleep, <\/span><\/p>\n

I danced with you in dreams so nice I have them memorized to keep, <\/span><\/p>\n

Unknown to you I carried stolen photographs of you numbering two, <\/span><\/p>\n

The last time home I stole*^^ another picture that’s beautiful of you, <\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

My ride said he’d carry me part way before we prayed and shared,<\/span><\/p>\n

His words of kindness and assurance were heavenly if compared, <\/span><\/p>\n

Within the military ranks most sleep comes from liqueur and beers, <\/span><\/p>\n

After he held my chin I’d sleep peacefully for the first time in years,<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Telling me he knew the way as I slipped into dreams of love’s wonder, <\/span><\/p>\n

We danced in a field surrounded by paper roses during my slumber,<\/span><\/p>\n

Your face so beautiful and radiant as if a heavenly light shone through,<\/span><\/p>\n

I said “My little angel of Texas nights I’m so deeply in love with you,” <\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

And we danced a dance of heavenly romance before the world, <\/span><\/p>\n

It was only a dream but in this dream a banner of our love unfurled, <\/span><\/p>\n

Above our little Panhandle town it waived for all our friends to see, <\/span><\/p>\n

The greatest honor given any man is that Patricia Napier loves me, \u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

There it hung announcing your love and welcoming your man home, <\/span><\/p>\n

He woke me in front of your house, but how was your address known,<\/span><\/p>\n

So surprised to see your house but at three A M I just sat and prayed, <\/span><\/p>\n

That when I’d finally see you again I’d find your love had not strayed, <\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Obstacles came to prevent our joining and fear of stalking you, <\/span><\/p>\n

My father had not left word so I needed to find him if it’s true, <\/span><\/p>\n

No sooner than I sat my seabag down my mother begged of me, <\/span><\/p>\n

Please find your father I fear he has deserted me don’t you see, <\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

You saved me Patti although I may now be lost in darkness of mind, <\/span><\/p>\n

As I left Borger to find my dad the misting fog felt cold and unkind, <\/span><\/p>\n

My thumb and seabag rode the north wind in search of a hitcher ride, <\/span><\/p>\n

With my check in a Navy snafu I was broke in pocket and broken inside, <\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Five days to attain Gainesville means I ran most of the wet and cold way, <\/span><\/p>\n

I should have been in Borger with my frame standing at your door all day, <\/span><\/p>\n

Yes I would, I’d hide away to be unseen but near your car to find you, <\/span><\/p>\n

If they truthfully watched me as threatened I’d hide if I needed to, <\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

My minds on you every moment as I drink away two years of blood, <\/span><\/p>\n

Perhaps not two years but I spent my share of time in blood ‘n’ mud,<\/span><\/p>\n

Now I know you are the only one I love and it shall always be so, <\/span><\/p>\n

For over twenty two years I’ve prepared to love the one I know, <\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Each drop of liqueur consumed brought closure to a memory, <\/span><\/p>\n

My father allowed my consumption as he knew it’s unfair to me, <\/span><\/p>\n

For thirty days and nights I’ve drank alcohol with little to eat, <\/span><\/p>\n

Then my father sobered me up and said return but don’t retreat, <\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

My daddy’s sending me home and he said your name to my surprise, <\/span><\/p>\n

Daddy was a very sweet man, yet so strong plus he was worldly wise, <\/span><\/p>\n

To see the lights of Borger crossing a hill in a friend’s car says I’m home, <\/span><\/p>\n

So strange Glenn’s**^^ family has twice taken me to the love I’ve known, <\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I ask of you and I pray that somehow someway I will see you this day, <\/span><\/p>\n

You are a psychic angel to find me once more as we were pulling away, \u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

I love you Patti but no courage brought the same words*^* you said to me, <\/span><\/p>\n

As tears fell from my face I knew I had to earn enough to return quickly, <\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Thank you so very much for telling me to return to you with my promise, <\/span><\/p>\n

If only you had come a bit closer I would have said I love you with a kiss, <\/span><\/p>\n

Soon my $3,000 hardship and injury pay came to restart my life, <\/span><\/p>\n

I had but one goal in the next six months, to ask you to be my wife. <\/span><\/p>\n

For Patti, the end, by Pat<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

*Napier: Patti’s maiden name.<\/span>
\n**Wire Brush: A wire brush was inserted by rapist.<\/span>
\n***James Brown: A great soulful American singer, his lyrics.<\/span>
\n*^Panhandle:\u00a0 A small town nearly half way between the fifty miles to Borger.<\/span>
\n*^^Stolen photos: Taken from my sister Edi and cut from the library albums.<\/span>
\n**^^Glenn Lloyd:\u00a0 My friend in high school.\u00a0 He was a better friend than me.<\/span>
\n*^*Same words: Upon seeing each other “Why didn’t you write me?”<\/span>\u00a0 —Thirty years later her mother revealed she had taken my letters unknown to Patti<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Time frame October to November of 1969. Some verses are taken from a poem I wrote in 1969, “The Walk I Took.” No one picked me up at the airport upon my discharge.\u00a0 A fifty mile walk.   Paper Roses (The Walk I Took) In the darkness of the night I imagined holding you tight, […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":{"0":"post-1031","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","6":"category-uncategorized","7":"czr-hentry"},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.poemsforpatti.com\/love\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1031","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.poemsforpatti.com\/love\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.poemsforpatti.com\/love\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.poemsforpatti.com\/love\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.poemsforpatti.com\/love\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1031"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.poemsforpatti.com\/love\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1031\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1032,"href":"https:\/\/www.poemsforpatti.com\/love\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1031\/revisions\/1032"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.poemsforpatti.com\/love\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1031"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.poemsforpatti.com\/love\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1031"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.poemsforpatti.com\/love\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1031"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}