Love
Volume Seven
CONTENTS
Wash the Pain from Me (Sweet Texas Rain)
1970 The Greatest Thing
The greatest thing that a man could do,
Might just be to stand next to you,
To climb the largest mountain or win your hand,
To kiss your lips or make a combat stand,
The grandest thing that this man has done,
Is the grandest thing that I have won,
It would be your heart, no one knows why,
That’s why they said I was such a lucky guy,
They based it on beauty which I did at first,
For your love I’ve had such a thirst,
For I know the beauty that lies inside,
My love for you I just can’t hide,
Soft and tender, sweet and smart,
I’m so lucky that I won your heart,
The greatest thing I could ever do,
Is to earn a year of love from you.
Written Summer of 1970.
A Frog Has to Hop
A frog has to hop and woman has to shop,
Like a bald eagle flies to the very top,
A squirrel gathers nuts because he has to,
A cow eats grass and has nothing to do,
Most fish swim because they can’t walk,
Some birds sing because they can’t talk,
Just like loving you I had to do,
It’s so natural just to love you,
Painters paint because of what they see,
Honey we know comes from the honey bee,
Sugar comes from sugar cane and beets,
But to me you are the sweetest of treats,
I’m trying to say that some things come naturally,
Like loving you comes so easily to me,
Creatures do what they have to do,
Just like I have to love you.
End
1969 So Incredibly Lonely
So incredibly lonely was I that day of realization,
So very far from love and my beloved nation,
Emptiness of heart is a heavy burden though,
It lingers wherever and however you may go,
It came upon me as if an angel of God spoke loud,
Admittance of revelation is easy to me I’m not proud,
There was going to be only one possibility for me to see,
She is already in your heart without her you won’t be,
Callings of love can hurt so bad upon departure,
Leaving when love starts is against human nature,
Thus the tears I couldn’t reveal because balance wasn’t there,
To let her love with possibility of no return wasn’t fair,
Memories of her in heart and mind are real the voice said,
It was as loud as brightness of the sun though in my head,
Know you will return but to find a love that will endure,
Patience must be shown for the warrior’s heart to be sure,
Fear, bullets, loneliness and drugs will confuse man’s mind,
She is your one, the rarest of jewels that you may find,
Treasure it and be sincere, reveal intent and words of true,
Told the journey will be split by a number, the number two,
Two meaning she and me, or two as a random number to be used,
Understanding revelations and prophecy I won’t be accused,
Comforted by these words and dreams of home carried me through,
But mostly the thought that I’ll someday return with love to you.
Written March of 1969.
In The Silence
In the silence I sit thinking solemnly of you,
The things we’ve done together and what we’ve been through,
During each and every moment you’ve kept your love so strong,
You’ve stood beside me even when you knew I was wrong,
I can’t imagine doing anything without you at my side,
I’ve always looked at you and my heart would fill with pride,
To know I had an angel that everyone can see,
It’s such a special blessing, only given to me,
I hope I can or have given some joy from me to you,
Though try I may, I can’t compare to you and the things you do,
You give so completely and expect so little in return,
I’m a fortunate man that your love I’ve managed to earn,
Given time and trying hard I may gain some ground on you,
There is no better pleasure than to give you love and follow through,
I’ll give to you everywhere so be prepared for people to stare,
For the remainder of my life I will give my little angel all my love and care.
For you baby, I love you.
When The Lines (Ant Monument)
When the lines bestowed upon my rugged face,
They were so faint, when new you could hardly trace,
My eyes now see less of a straight and hard line,
But having spent my life with you, I don’t mind,
I wish I was a hero because you deserve much more than me,
You’re so innocent and beautiful a princess is what you should be,
For some reason you made your choice by marrying me,
To all those that lost out this is a hard reality,
But I’m made to do things in this life for you,
I would rather be your servant than something else to do,
I’ll build a monument to an ant if with love you tell me to,
You don’t realize how much I’ve been and willing to go through,
My bent and broken back would carry wood for a mile,
My weak and fragile legs struggling with the load all the while,
If needed I would carry my vomit in a bucket as I went,
Take iron tablets along the way for blood loss and energy spent,
Lessen my pain meds so my brain could think clear and free,
I want it to be the best monument to an ant there could be,
The extra water for diabetes insipidus would add to the weight,
And finding toilets for relief from water requires a wait,
If a seizure should transpire then amnesia may require,
Starting over to my great regret and to my ire,
But the ant must stand and PTSD will not hinder,
The giant ant monument that I must tender,
This ant may never become because it’s just a motif,
It’s not meant to be completed much to my relief,
But the intent of my heart is real and it’s there,
Meant to symbolize how much I love you and I care,
My liver with blood flowing quick and free,
Nor right kidney with same flowing blood shan’t hinder me,
If intent on said monument for you it shall be,
I love you so much that only a few things can stop me,
A request from you asking me to cease and desist,
Or you saying sweetly you want my need to build for me to resist,
From you a sweet kiss upon my tired lips saying no more,
Or I’ll love you forever if you buy me one at the store.
Darkness Surrounds Me
Darkness surrounds me and I hear you breathing deep,
Surprised I am every day that with you I get to sleep,
Each and every day I still worship the little girl that is you,
Though forty years have passed us by, it’s something I still do,
The only change that’s befallen you is that your beauty’s grown,
With time’s passage the essence that is you has finally shown,
It’s important that everyone get the chance, not many do,
An opportunity to chat and visit with purpose to know you,
Blessed I am, I shout it loud, for you I’m holding tight,
Come again every day I’ll be the one holding you at night,
So touch your moist and tender lips to mine and send me on my way,
That I may dream of you and awaken so that we can play.
End
From Across the Ocean
From across the ocean and beaches comes a soothing breeze,
It carries her love and loneliness as it blows through the trees,
Closer and closer to me it carries the message of love I need,
I feel the soft winds envelop my frame as rain doth feed a seed,
From unspoken words that go unheard I hear her within my mind,
I reach into the soft moving air in search of the things I can’t find,
Yet closer I feel, yes closer I feel as I feel inside sensations that heal,
Angels are seen in lovers of men marching away into a war so real,
Her wide lovely eyes still see me as a man she loves and has adored,
Portrayed by the press to our countrymen as the one to be abhorred,
Waves and waves of machine gun fire replace the soft tender breeze,
Soon a fire breathing machine with wings will burn down the trees,
Some find the end as their life force feeds the plants on the ground,
Red liquid of man flows from steel piercings that don’t make a sound,
Unknown markers of flowers nourished by young men as they die,
Bring colors to life on a hill slope where men once fell to fly to the sky,
Yes closer to you, yes I am closer to you with each thing I endure,
There’s one mission I need to fulfill or our future I may not procure,
Have I risen from the ashes and fire that fell from monsters flying by,
You are at my side through it all although unknown to you I too cry,
Our kisses of goodbye that night entered my soul with love abound,
Without your lovely image near my heart I doubt I’d still be around,
Angels from heaven loaned wings of mercy to those loved by men,
No other explanation could explain how forsook warriors could win,
Under skies afire with man’s destruction of all that has come in the way,
The colors of life change in the sounds of explosions heard on that day,
Through the bright tunnel of life men fly as they escape to heaven’s door,
Soldiers often return, brought by the tears of an angel he does adore,
In a matter of minutes a thousand years of lifetime passes by to cease,
Fifty young men drafted for death’s toll as war’s number of dead increase,
Forty angels of mercy plus ten come to guide these too young men home,
Ten angels of mercy bring sensations of love for those that were alone,
The night sky has expanded it seems as peace comes to fill the night air,
A black canvas of night’s creation with moonlight and diamonds everywhere,
My imagination picks a twinkle of crystal that was a star shining in the sky,
Come closer I beg, yes closer I ask, come close that I may look in your eye,
The span of darkness reaches far and away into the shores of our land,
For less than an hour we share the same night sky as I place into it my hand,
Reach hard I plead, place your sweet hand into the darkness searching for me,
I’ll place upon your finger a ring made of crystal stars that we both see,
From across the ocean and lands of America comes an embracing wind,
Filled with Texas Panhandle dust and essence of you I hope it doesn’t end,
Islands of love fill the imagery of my mind’s eye with you coming ashore,
You wave as you run to my arms but for some reason can’t reach the shore,
Then confusion of exhaustion fills my head, was it hello you waved or goodbye,
A pebbled beach made of my wrongs while warring seem to make you cry,
I pray your tender heart can accept the thousand years of sin I carry now,
I swear if it must be for your love I will carry the burden alone in my heart somehow,
If given forty years it will be hidden beneath a facade of mental health for you,
Blessings of love and prayers can be answered with sudden gifts from the blue,
From a tunnel of time I have flown to light upon this bed passing a stone as my due,
It seems but a moment ago I prayed with a promise to endure anything to have you.
The end, by Pat for Patti. I love you baby.
A Second More
A second more I beg, just another kiss before my cardiac arrest,
My chest is heavy and air seems vacant although I try my best.
I’ve pushed hard for so long how can it be? I’m too busy for this,
Look at the fear in her eyes. Oh Lord, let me have one more kiss.
It’s time to go and I must sleep the sleep that is a sleep for keep,
I’m so filled with loneliness and, though headed to heaven, I weep.
My journey has been hard and I think I deserve this but I can’t stay,
Please Lord, to stay with her I will take tenfold more pain each day.
I’ve never realized until this moment how much she truly loves me,
Why? Why did it take this pain and her tears for me to finally see?
Please, oh please, I don’t want to leave my only true love alone,
Tell me I’m a fool, I am a fool if it takes near death for me to atone.
Oh help me Lord, I pray, why do I float above as she holds me below?
The bright light above is easing my fear, I know where Christians go.
Heaven’s smells and angel’s songs fill the air as I try to get my balance,
I can hardly see her now but she holds my limp body as I get a glance.
My soul, my soul has departed my presence below and I’m in paradise,
I try to look below and I see the tears fall from her beautiful eyes.
Suddenly I can feel her heartbreak and her pain, with her I will cry,
To all that is powerful and in command, Lord I don’t want to die.
For her, for her please I wish to return, she loves me as no other could,
Please Lord, if not for her, while in detainment I couldn’t have withstood.
She loves me as no other could or will and I don’t want her in pain,
Oh Jesus that I may ease her pain, I will suffer more that for her I remain.
“I must see her please,” I thought, suddenly I’m just above her presence,
Why do I feel every teardrop and I feel as if I’m a part of her essence?
My heart is breaking to watch her pain, please return me to her,
I have nothing but me dear Lord, but I do have my life to offer.
I can feel two hands from destiny’s angels grab my feet and pull me in,
I will try hard, I will, to lead a better life, then suddenly I feel the pain begin.
Her beautiful eyes are looking at me; I must be back in my body again,
Smile, sweet angel, I know without a doubt it was heaven I was in.
Patti, you must know that for you I will endure most anything,
For you I would give up what joys being in heaven would bring.
This is the pounding of my struggling heart, please feel my chest,
I have promised our Lord above that to return to you I’ll do my best.
I feel the heavens have twice touched my soul–I no longer fear death,
For you I would do anything and you alone will share my final breath.
My heart is damaged I know because the doctors in heaven said so,
If I have to have surgery I will be alright, don’t ask me how I know.
We are one and we are forever joined, while I was gone I was with you,
The angels put me in you and I felt every pain you were going through.
No harder pain have I ever known, and my journey has been filled with pain,
To feel you so full of pain is the worst pain I’ve known, here I will remain.
Wash The Pain From Me
The only thing I need in my life is a full dose of you,
Take away the west Texas rain that makes me so blue,
The darkness of the gloom enhanced pain just pulls me down,
Then from the darkness an angel arrives to lighten my frown,
Leave desperation of plight to be and set my pain free,
Let my wings of encouragement take flight for new destiny,
Into the morning sun I see a rainbow of a brighter day,
Bring me your sweet kisses and take the hurt away,
I see the pouring rain distant in the horizon of my mind,
It doesn’t matter how it comes, it’s still painful I find,
Bloodletting from my kidneys’ AVMs has left me weak,
Somehow my homeland of Ireland calls me as I speak,
I’m not going home again; I think it’s fate’s final word,
The ability to endure even more pain is real, so I’ve heard,
The Dilaudid is growing weak even at twelve times the dose,
No matter how much I take, its ability doesn’t come close,
Yesterday’s drugs are no longer beneficial to me,
Give me something stronger but they say it doesn’t be,
Bring the West Texas rain and wash the pain from me,
Set me aloft into the euphoria of my mind to fly free,
I’m loaded with pain patches, Phenergan and Dilaudid, too,
I’ve felt enough of this; I want another color besides blue,
Bring on a dose or two of the sweet Texas angel of my life,
The counter to the pain and rain is my wonderful wife,
I’ve lain down in pain unable to take another step along the way,
When I start to shake with seizures my grandkids think it’s in play,
My memories are so distant they no longer remember a painless day,
Bring the rain that I may take a hot tub soak in the rain today,
The rain doesn’t want to come now that I’ve finally given in,
It seems when you live with pain there’s no way for a man to win,
The bombs no longer fall in my dreams and men don’t die,
Now that it’s over I seem to lay in self-pity wondering why,
It’s a sad day when happiness can’t be found when things go my way,
I guess I need to rise with prayer and hope for a better day,
Rise with hope are words that stem from my faith in The Lord,
Blessings given by Him need to be the only one that I can afford,
Wake to the morning sun with my Texas angel flying about,
She gave her heart to me and for that it’s made me pain stout,
Bring on the rain or give the rainbows time to rest awhile,
With my mind on her and pain running deep I manage to smile,
I’ve walked the mud of Vietnam long ago in a drunken bout,
Rain poured over my being but it couldn’t wash the pain out,
It wore heavy on my heart as it was a heartbroken lonely pain,
Never again do I want to feel that searing pain in my heart or brain,
In the depth of the cloudiness brought from too many drugs,
My mind is so clouded I hardly remember my loved one’s hugs,
It’s no way to live if you’re dead inside and don’t feel the pain,
Throw the drugs away if so, I plan to stay alert and so remain,
Everyone has something to say about how to manage my pain,
The idiocy they carry about minor pain just brings more disdain,
With my pain so intense I’ve died and they brought me back each time,
My siblings don’t understand you don’t stop stones with your mind,
Oh how I pray to be swept away in the wings of my angel one day,
Once again I’ll stand straight at bat with the ability to run and play,
To remember the day before as pain-free and take a walk with my dad,
I’ll awaken to my Texas angel and tell her of the fun he and I had,
My hospital friends with legs and arms gone will be whole,
I’m speaking of heaven where I’m again able to take a long stroll,
Rains from Texas will fall when desired as we sit in our porch swing,
Until I enter heaven then for her I will endure what fate may bring,
There’re only two reasons to endure so much pain in one life,
One is that leaving would break the heart of my sweet Texas wife,
God wants me to survive with dignity, prayer and offering to above,
I will do as asked by Him and also because of my angel’s love,
With my sweet Texas angel at my side I think I’ll put the drugs away,
She can dull the pain by walking by quickly with her Texas sway,
Give me something strong, I have felt more pain than I can endure,
She is my drug of choice for my soul and they may find she is the cure.
Still
I will love you..still,
When the mountains no longer hold shadows to cast across the plain,
As extinction creeps through the prairie removing the last plant of grain,
I will love you..still,
Should I find a dark secret that has broken my heart through and through,
And my heart is so broken sunshine is hidden forever to never shine anew,
Brought teardrops to fall so often I seldom see clearly the beauty of you,
And from tears of heartbreak dehydration came to strip my frame, too,
I will love you..still,
If once long ago my image of you changed so abruptly I was stricken blind,
And no return to vision could happen due to the image carried in my mind,
So stricken with mental illness no thought of happiness could dwell within,
My heartbeat would struggle that each beat of my heart could even begin,
I will love you..still,
As darkness of a dying sun engulfs my planet forever into the abyss of space,
My heart will cry for you as I remember the beauty of my sweet angel’s face,
Once long ago in my past I was faced with insurmountable odds while away,
As hope of survival faded it was found to be true after another horrific day,
I will love you..still,
When life returns to a dead planet destroyed by the highest lifeform it knew,
The flowers of rebirth will bring colors forgotten for each alien tourist to view,
A new rose bush will find a way to present a red rosebud in celebration of you,
The love my heart created will be passed on that another may know love, too
I will love you..still,
The love my heart created will flow into others to be known as new lover’s will,
No matter what could happen in my lifetime, there is no doubt I’ll love you still,
Yes, my angel, I always will.
The end, by Pat for Patti
I love you baby.